Mary

I am just emailing you to let you know, that I support your group and all the efforts you are making to make the public and the state services know about men's experiences of abuse, whether it be verbal or physical.

I agree with most people in that there is an old tradition here in Ireland, in that the women in a relationship breakup are listened to first and their word taken. Men are not listened to and they are made out to be the villains in most cases.

I have direct experience of this. My late partner was so frustrated, depressed and worn out from dealing with his ex-wife's bullying that he took his own life this summer. We were together for 3 years. He had been separated 6 years. We loved each other very much and he was part of my whole family and friend network. Everyone got on well with him. We were so happy. All this is now gone. His parents, siblings and myself and my family are heartbroken and still in shock.

He had his down moments and days in the 3 years I had known him, directly because of his wife messing him around with regard to access to his children and telling lies in court to further frustrate things. She got pleasure in denying him happiness. She would send nasty texts putting him down and telling him how useless he was. He had to bring her to court 3 times to try set access days and she was continually changing things to suit herself and more often than not telling him that his children didn't want to see him (to make him feel even worse).

She was always putting up obstacles but he said he was at nothing bringing her to the attention of the law for denying access as he quoted himself "you would never see a woman jailed for denying access" but if it was the other way around a man would be.

He had a bad experience in the early days of their breakup with the social services. They immediately took her side and did not listen to his views. A family liaison officer was due to see them both on one occasion and when he arrived (on time) he discovered his ex with the officer already and she had her speak, to the point that when he went in the officer had formed an opinion of him and made this known when the officer looked straight at my partner and said that she didn't want any violence or raised voices in the meeting – he didn't say it to his ex at all, so obviously my partner was labeled as being a violent man from the word go because of his wife's lies. This is the point I am trying to make that women are always believed – a lot of them lie because they are either evil, or they just want to bully their way in life.

She bullied my partner all their married life, so much so that he decided to leave in Oct 01 and when he discussed this with her she turned very nasty and started drinking and taking the children away for days on end and not telling him where they were going. He decided not to leave till things settled down a bit – but in Feb 02 after an argument his wife went into court the next day and got a protection order on him (told lies to get it) as she wanted it to be known that she kicked him out and not that he left of his own accord. She later said that she didn't mean it to "work out like it did and that she only wanted to give him a fright" – in other words he was to do whatever she wanted.

He didn't return to the home after that as he never trusted her again. He just went to collect his kids whenever he was allowed. She dictated everything. He went into a depression in the summer after that and ended up in hospital and she even tried to bully him while he was in hospital.

I know it must have been depression that finally made him commit suicide but I am continually asking myself, if she hadn't have been so horrible and if the courts and social services had shown some concern over the years, that this would not have happened. It shouldn't have happened, he was loved and was very happy in our relationship, I always supported and listened to his worries. But a father needs time with his children and needs to know they love him. He was a good man but she made him feel bad about himself. His family would like to take a civil action against her but they would be at nothing in this country.

Thanks for taking the time to read this, as it has got a lot of my chest.

I haven't used my partner's name as I want my email kept confidential – as she is a dangerous woman and would sue me for slander very quickly.

Thanks for your reply