I would like to state that I am a male victim of Domestic Abuse, where
the abuser is my wife.
I am a member of the Gardaí. I am 40 years old.
I have been married for 15 years
The abuse took the form of physical, verbal, mental, emotional and
psychological abuse. Physical abuse includes the following:
In the summer of I996 I received a particularly had beating from my wife. She used various tools cg. pliers, screwdrivers, snips etc. I suffered extensive bruising to my arms, legs, buttocks , back and legs. Most of the attack took place to the rear of my body. I crouched in a defensive position and used my arms to protect my head and so most of the bruising was to my arms and back. I did not use any physical means to defend myself, I did not retaliate, I simply waited for the beating to stop. A day or so later I had my injuries recorded by the family doctor (female). Her attitude was one of bemusement, indifference and hostility. She insisted on telling me about the female victims of domestic abuse she encounters, as if it was my fault. She certainly did nothing to encourage me to report further incidents.
I appealed to a female Social Worker for help she suggested I should pack my bags and leave despite the fact that I have three young children. My life would not be worth living without my children, they mean everything to me. I did not take that option. This woman gave me no support whatsoever. In fact, she was positively hostile.
I went to the District Court to apply for a protection and safety order. At the front desk the clerk was both surprised and amused at my plight. In the interview room the next clerk was a little more sympathetic if somewhat disbelieving. The clerk who called my name to appear in court forcefully suggested that I was the Respondent and my wife the Applicant when in fact it was the other way around. He said that men were always the Respondents. He had a very aggressive attitude towards me from start to finish.
I was wearing a short sleeved shirt and bruising to my arms was clearly visible, this did not register with any of them. At this point I was feeling isolated and very nervous as I had never been in court before. I was the victim and was treated badly by all to whom I turned for help.
The judge gave me a protection order, my wife laughed at this and said, "I'll fix you" and promptly applied for a protection and safety order against me. There was not a mark on her. She was very verbally abusive to me, said I was a ******* idiot, not a real man, she could 'have any man she wanted and suggested that perhaps I was not the father of my two boys. According to my wife I was useless, no good, full of shit, thick, an arsehole, no one else would have you, etc., etc., etc. These are some examples of the emotional and psychological abuses I have suffered for years by my wife.
I have medical evidence of the injuries described in this account. I have encountered disbelief, amusement and a willingness from others to justify my wife's behaviour.
On occasions I have, on my wife's insistence, left the family home. Then she accused me of desertion.
I was denied access to my sons. Then again on her behest I have returned to my home. When I return she says I am a wonderful husband, a good father and she can't live without me until she feels safe to return to her violent behaviour. I have put up with this abuse for years in order to be with my children.
This is a partial account of some of the abuse I have endured for the past 15 years.